The Republic of Loft Island is a titanic, cultured nation, notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, ban on automobiles, and public floggings. The cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.724 billion Loft Islandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 74.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Loft Islandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,584 trillion Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 135,156 Dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 431,941 per year while the poor average 32,126, a ratio of 13.4 to 1.

There's nothing more Loft Islandian than revanchism, representatives soak in mineral pools at the new capitol building day spa, teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers, and immigrants are required to salute the flag five times a day. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Loft Island's national animal is the Crab, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Loft Island is ranked 33,451^st in the world and 166^th in The grimy backyard of Bigej for Highest Average Incomes, with 135,156.65 Standard Monetary Units.